Property: The Australian Dream, Feb 2021
Updated: Feb 13
Man’s Best Friend, the Buyer’s Agent
The property game is fraught with booby traps of all sorts. Buying your home will carry with it not only the greatest financial risk you’re ever likely to encounter but is also immensely time-consuming and emotionally-draining. In spite of this, the role of Buyer’s Agent is relatively unknown. Professionals, like Balgowlah’s Paul Wilcox firstname.lastname@example.org have expert knowledge in every aspect of the buying process, finding your home, selecting the ideal bidding price, negotiating with all parties, referring you to the best assessors of legal, development and building construction paperwork and providers of mortgage finance. A buyer’s agent is your best friend when buying a home. They also provide unbiased, independent appraisals to best guide your decisions when considering selling.
The Secrets of a Home Stylist
In the dark ages, the early noughties, when selling your home, it was considered exemplary to give the place a vacuum with a device capable of lifting bowling balls, take the dirty dishes off the sink and hide them in the closet, make sure the kids had made their Power Ranger and My Little Pony doona’d beds neat and tidy, spick and span, then proceed across the street to take your perch in the neighbour’s kitchen and sneak a peek through the aluminium venetians, watching the throng of would-be buyers like John Nash eyeing off CIA operatives. Oh, how times have changed.
You can’t sell even a one bedder nowadays without being inundated with interior design stylists, whose sparkling portfolios would put Gianni Versace in the shade, all spruiking their wares with divine powers of ensuring your abode shines bright like a diamond to lock in the sale of the century because, after all, you’re worth it. They do great work, and if you’re new to the housing market, having perused your first few properties in the search of a lifetime, you’ve surely seen the tell-tale signs of a Home Stylist’s intricate involvement in the most crucial step of the vending process, beautification.
Firstly, minimalism is maximalism. Every surface of your dwelling must resemble the humbly titled Genius Bar of a less is more Steve Jobs edifice. Clutter is chaos, and no sane buyer could possibly part with a 6-figure deposit and stump up to a mortgage broker seeking a 7-figure multi-decade loan were they to see even the slightest skerrick of your home having ever been lived in. It’s science; Clean up to clean up.
Second, raise the bedding. If you’re serious about fetching the highest price, you must immediately remove whatever bed you now rest your weary bones on. It’s not high enough. A buyer can’t enter your home and even look your boudoir over without thinking, ‘What on earth, is that the highest bed I’ve ever seen?!’ It adds an air of boudoir mystique and instils the seed of conviction in a genuine purchaser’s mind that their bid’s going to have to rise higher to have any chance of successfully sliding between the sheets.
Third and final, smoke and mirrors. Only an amateur would dare contemplate allowing buyers through their residence without first ensuring the air is thick with fragrant aromas wafting straight to the pre-frontal cortex at the helm of facilitating unfathomably huge financial decision making, while also outfitting every wall with ornate, gargantuan mirrors that give each room a comforting sense of decadent spaciousness, ably assisted by the first point of having every surface ascetically bare. Your smoke and mirrors transform a 25square metre cramped nightmare into an ostentatious manor with almost too much room to move.