• Krystal Bawl

Star Signs: December 2020

Sagittarius Nov 23 - Dec 21 Good luck’s waiting just around the corner. When you get there it’s already gone. Grrr!


Capricorn Dec 22 - Jan 20 Stay Covid-safe. Enjoy a diet rich in fibre, caffeine and baked beans. Let social distancing sort itself out.


Aquarius Jan 21 - Feb 19 Open up your heart like you’ve never been hurt before. Divorce lawyers need job security too you know.


Pisces Feb 20 - Mar 20 'Everything happens for a reason' is a useless idiom you’ll no doubt read in a star signs column.


Aries Mar 21 - Apr 19 Money can’t buy happiness, clearly, rich pricks are all miserable. Embrace your poverty with glee.


Taurus Apr 20 - May 21 Limit all the time you waste on social media. Write poetry. Waste time the old fashioned way, pretentiously.


Gemini May 22 - Jun 21 You made a complete fool of yourself. Do the only sensible thing, say you don’t remember anything.

Cancer Jun 22 - Jul 22 If 2020’s taught you anything worth knowing, it’s that not even self-isolation can stop people annoying you.


Leo Jul 23 - Aug 22 They say it’s important to be decisive, but you can’t quite make your mind up about that.


Virgo Aug 23 - Sep 23

Actions speak for themselves, but only oh so quietly. Speak up, tell people loudly how awesome you are.


Libra Sep 24 - Oct 23 True, deep love can be hard to find, but quick, superficial love abounds. You do the math.


Scorpio Oct 24 - Nov 22

Stay flexible in your fiercely held beliefs and ideologies. Always allow yourself to be outraged by anything you like.

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