• Krystal Bawl

Star Signs: January 2021

Capricorn Dec 22 - Jan 20 You can’t please everyone. People are silly, especially you, trying to please them all. Please yourself, much better.

Aquarius Jan 21 - Feb 19 Nothing screams passive aggression like gifting a “friend” a self-help-money-making-love-finding-diet book.

Pisces Feb 20 - Mar 20 A leopard can’t change its spots but thanks to the harsh Aussie sun, you can. Go for a skin check, freckles.

Aries Mar 21 - Apr 19 Too many cooks spoil the broth. Ensure a good meal for all. Nobly refuse to help out in the kitchen, hero.

Taurus Apr 20 - May 21 Honesty is the best policy for losing friends, employment and freedom. Be smart. Learn to lie. Become successful.

Gemini May 22 - Jun 21 Fighting fire with fire creates an out of control inferno. Try instead bringing some water to the fire fight next time.

Cancer Jun 22 - Jul 22 Cheats never prosper, unless we’re talking about the Melbourne Storm. It seems to serve them pretty well.

Leo Jul 23 - Aug 22 It is what it is, obviously, unless it’s not. In which case, it is what it isn’t, isn’t it? Yes! No…maybe?

Virgo Aug 23 - Sep 23

Nature abhors a vacuum, just like your better half. Love them both in all their vacuum-abhorring lazy glory.

Libra Sep 24 - Oct 23 Talk is cheap, unless it’s a former U.S. President doing the chin-wagging, then it costs a devil’s ransom.

Scorpio Oct 24 - Nov 22

Yes, you’re amazing. You’re the best thing since sliced bread! Yes, everyone who doesn’t see this is an idiot!

Sagittarius Nov 23 - Dec 21 There is no time like the present. Make the most of it now. No, now! I really mean it, NOW!